"J" as in "John Kreuzer"

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Fourteen - The Fortnight Concludeth

2009-03-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

Thanks to any and all that took the time to read my ramblings. I hope some of it was entertaining. If you enjoyed it, please post a comment. It will certainly help me decide if I wish to continue.

Thanks to Mike Garvey for creating this event and his hard work keeping it going.
Congratulations to all the participants, particularly those that blogged every day

Go see the Eclectic Improv Company at Shea's Smith Theatre, March 28th and the last Saturday of every month.

Support local theatre!!!

Don't let Jump The Shark die. Come out and see us some time. And if you're in a bar that regularly books bands, please tell them that they NEED to get JTS in there.

Peace Out,
-jk

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Thirteen - The Penultimate Post

2009-03-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't really blogged consistantly until I signed up to participate in BufBloPoFo '09. Therefore, I have no old posting that I can update. As such, I shall write about a few things going on in the Life of Johnny. Next year, we can look back at how silly my life seemed "way back then".

There are some things in my life that I take for granted will not change in a year. I expect that my family life will be unchanged, and that I will still be employed at Safetec. Eclectic Improv is going extremely well, and I imagine that will continue for some time. But how about my other performing ventures?

JUMP THE SHARK

We've been going for 8 years now, and will continue to play together as long as possible. We all love the music and thoroughly enjoy each other's company. However, booking has become extremely difficult. I handle the booking myself, which is time consuming and very frustrating. Thanks to the lagging economy, bar owners are cutting back on booking or discontinuing live music altogether. It's nearly impossible to speak to a bar owner and if they do, they want you to play for peanuts and bring 200 of your friends to drink at their club.

Future Johnny, are you still rocking with Jump The Shark?

THEATRE

Due to family, work and other performing commitments, I have been largely absent from live theatre. That has recently changed, as I have appeared in "God's Favorite" at Desiderio's Dinner Theatre and "The Beauty Queen of Leenane" at New Phoenix. So the theatre juices are flowing freely again. I really want to get back on the boards on a regular basis. I'm planning on hitting many of the upcoming auditions, and I've already been offered a part in a production in the fall.

Johnny 2010, how's the acting thing going?

STATUE GUY

An interesting new opportunity fell in my lap recently. My good friend, the incredibly lovely and talented actress Tracey B. Wilson, asked if I would be interested in a job as a "living statue". She was approached, but was unable to accept. She thought I would be a suitable replacement and suggested me to the client. I took the job because it seemed like getting paid to stand still and do nothing was an answer to a prayer. I got a toga, painted myself white, and "became" a statue. The first job was a success and it led to a second offer from someone who saw me there. It seems like this could be a nice side business, so I'm working on a business plan. I've even got business cards!

So, future me, has the Statue Guy taken off?

Bloggers, I invite you to journey back to this post during BufBloPoFo 2010. Am I still overwhelmingly active, or am I just sitting around at home, watching old episodes of Quantum Leap with Jeremy?

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Twelve - Hello, Children!

2009-03-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

I have dispensed some sage parental advice in my Day Nine and Day Seven blogs.

And honestly, I'm too friggin' tired to offer any more. I spent most of my evening trying (unsuccessfully) to get my mother's computer to work properly. Just about the last thing I wanted to do upon my return home was sit down at MY computer and blogetty-blog.

This is all I can say about parenting:

Be understanding. Whatever age the child is now, you were that age too, and probably just as annoying (if not more so).

Be patient. When they're driving you up a wall, cut 'em some slack.

Be loving. Look, these young persons are, quite literally, a part of you. How can you not love that? Embrace them for all of the similarities and differences. Show them that you appreciate them for who they are.

Be the parent you would want (and maybe had). Make time for them. Play, talk, share. It's all good.

Be supportive. Even if you don't understand.

OK, I'm tired. Gotta get to sleep. I'll be refreshed and ready for Day 13!!!

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Eleven - Photograph

2009-03-24T21:31:00.001-07:00

Ugh...camera phones do me no justice at all!

This was taken in my office at Safetec of America, Inc.
Safetec is a manufacturer of infection control and first aid products.
I am the Quality Manager.
My walls are mostly bare.
I usually do not wear a tie.
I don't know why I'm smiling.

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Ten - There Goes My Hero...

2009-03-23T18:13:00.000-07:00

Heroes.

The people you look up to, not the sandwich.

Unless you look to a turkey sub for guidance and life lessons.

When I was a kid, my hero was Gilbert Perreault, flying down the ice, a blur of blue and gold, long hair blown back. He was awesome.

I think it is natural for a kid growing up to have these heroic images of people, be it an athlete, fireman, teacher, whatever.

Now that I am an adult, I can look back on my life (thus far) and see only one person that I would view as heroic. That would be my father.

Big Joe Kreuzer passed away six years ago of complications from Alzheimer's. He was just shy of his 61st birthday.He was diagnosed at 55 with what they called "early onset" Alzheimer's. Not a day goes by that I don't miss being able to ask him about life, about being a husband and father. I miss going golfing or to the movies, or just watching a game together on TV. I miss being able to gloat proudly to him about his grandchildren.

He was heroic to me because he showed me so much about life without doing any more than just being himself. He worked at Bethlehem Steel for 18 years and was wise enough to see that things were going downhill in the industry, and returned to college at night to earn his Masters degree. When the plant shut down and he got laid off, he used that education to take on a job in Financial services. After a few years building a reputation and clientele, he went into business for himself, opening Kreuzer Financial Planning. He was a hard working man.

But anyone that knew him would tell you that he was one of the funniest, friendliest people around. He was a large man, 6'6" and pushing 3 bills. He could be intimidating, but his big smile and easy-going manner would quickly put anyone at ease. By watching him, I learned how to open up to people and show them the positive aspects of myself.

He was married to my mother for 37 years, and was a loving husband. He was a great father and an adoptive dad to my and my sister's friends. All the neighborhood kids would come over and play catch or shoot hoops and dad would be right in the thick of it. He was a big kid. A VERY BIG kid. Looking back on his example reminds me to be an attentive and participatory father. Sure, I have a lot of activities in my life. But I always make time to share with my family.

This is not to say that he was a saint. Like any man, he had his faults. I know from where I get my temper, and my penchant for profanity. And my love of fast food.
But I can look back on his minor failings, learn from them, and attempt to be a better man. I have had my successes and my failures, but he taught me to keep pressing on.

So I press on, try to be the best husband, father and man that I can, and hope that someday my kids see something heroic about me.

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Nine - The Kids Are Alright

2009-03-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

Lisa Garvey asks, "Have your kids ever seen you on stage (improv or band) and if so, what do they think?!"

First of all, Lisa, let me thank you for the many kind words about me in your blog. I don't get many goatee compliments, but I likes 'em!

I can answer your question with a resounding YES! All of the Kreuzer clan have seen me perform. Most recently, the entire fam saw me in "God's Favorite" at Desiderio's Dinner Theatre. They enjoyed the show and marveled at seeing me "act". They know I'm goofy, but that was the first time they all saw me doing regular theater.

Although, I was fortunate to share the stage with my son Jeremy in a Daemen College Theatre production of "A Doll's House".

It was an unforgettable experience.

They have all seen the Eclectic Company perform, and LOVE it. Of course, I give most of the credit to Peter, Don, Todd and Mike. On the rare occasions when Jump The Shark is playing a festival or lawn fete, Melissa will take the kids to see me rock. It's awesome to see them dancing, jumping around and air-guitaring in front of the stage.

My youngest, Jack, took this picture at the Taste of Niagara. It's one of my favorite band photos.

I've been teaching a musical theatre class at my daughter Cassidy's dance studio and have been able to perform with her at her recitals, too. She does it all. Dances, sings, acts. I'm gonna ride her coat-tails right to the top!

I love when the kids can see me perform. If anything, it shows them that they can do whatever they want in their own lives. You don't have to move to NYC or LA if you like to act or sing. Be a doctor, lawyer, teacher or ditch digger, but save some room for the other things you love. Those things don't have to be stage-related, BTW. It can be sports or crafts, reading or writing, helping your fellow man or making the world a better place. Just find out what you love, and do it.

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Eight - Who are you? (who who who who)

2009-03-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know jen14221. At least I don't think so. The face in the photo doesn't look familiar.

Unfortunately, I don't trust my memory concerning such things. Unlike Peter Cumbo, I am terrible with names. I'm much better with faces, but only to the extent that, "YES, I have met this person before."

So, jen14221, if we have met, I apologize. Don't take it personally. It's not that I don't care about you, I just don't care to train my memory.

Annnnywhoooooo...

I very much enjoyed jen14221's response to who would play her in a movie:
Who would play me in a movie? Well - not Natasha Richardson. Not anymore, at least. Yes, I'm terrible. Sorry.

I loved this response because it was honest, funny and shocking. The only other person I know that would respond in this manner is Dave Hoffmann, and I loves me some Dave Hoffmann.

So my question to you, jen14221, is:
Now that Natasha is out of the picture, who WOULD play you?
(I'm going with Katey Segal)

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Se7en - Just You Wait...

2009-03-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

There was an animated network show back in the early 70s called "Wait Til Your Father gets Home". It was poorly drawn and dealt with real-life mature topics. (Not like how Fred Flintstone will convince Stoney Curtis to perform at the Water Buffalo Lodge) The show had an annoying theme song, which still rattles around my head on occasion. I present to you the lyrics:

I love my mom and dad and my brothers too and the groovy way we get along.
But every time the slightest thing goes wrong, Mom starts to sing this familiar song:
Wait ‘til your father gets, until your father gets, wait ‘til your father gets home.
Dad’s not so bad and he seldom gets mad and we aren’t about to desert him
Kids today like to have their own way and what daddy doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
I think my mom’s just swell, but she starts to yell every time we have a blast.
Just wait ‘til your father gets, until your father gets, wait ‘til your father gets home."
See what I mean.
"Wait ‘til your father gets home."We know."

It's the song/show title that bothers me, because it has become an all-too-familiar refrain in the Kreuzer household. My children are old enough to know right and wrong. They are also old enough to occasionally act in a disrespectful manner to their parents, more specifically their mother. I've got a nice baritone and, thanks to years of theatrical training, can project that baritone quite well. Therefore, if my progeny are misbehaving, they will be subjected to a verbal blast projected directly into their face. This tends to dissuade them from future indiscretions.

My wife, Melissa does not possess the same vocal command. When she raises her voice, it can become shrill and I feel loses the command that she wishes it to contain. In turn, the children require much more shrill admonishment before they cease their unruly behavior. Often, Melissa will retreat to the old adage, "wait til your father gets home" (or the like).

This upsets me. When I come home after a long, tough day at the office, I don't want to be told the minute I enter the door that I must "project" at our children who misbehaved 60-90 minutes ago. This leads to 15 minutes of investigation to determine to whom I am to "project", what was the nature of their crime and does it warrant "projecting" at all. I'm tired, my head hurts, I don't want to investigate, "project" or even have a Cosby-esque heart-2-heart.

I am more than willing to share in parental responsibilities. I have "projected" at the kids when warranted. I have had the quiet, serious heart-2-hearts. Sometimes all it takes is a look. I have several in my arsenal (hello? trained actor!), and I find that "seriously disappointed" cuts most deeply.

I guess I just wish that my partner in marriage and child-rearing would find a more effective way to handle the children when they act like, well...children. The funny thing is...she's a teacher, who commands great respect from her students. But I guess that almost any teacher will tell you that it's different with your own kids. At work, the really uncontrollable kids get sent to the principal, which is kinda like "wait til your father gets home'. But after a while, even the principal will tell the teacher that they have to get a handle on the situation.

That's what I feel like at times...the principal who has seen "little Johnny Ne'er-do-well" in his office one too many times. Only, I can't expel my kids. I can banish them to their rooms, but that's like sending a prisoner to Disney World. "You just stay here in Adventure Land until you've learned your lesson!"

When not "projecting", I have used two effective techniques.
1) Have the child sit in a chair in the middle of the kitchen, the only room with no access to television, radio or computer. A set time of nothing but sitting and watching the walls.
2) Remove all the fun devices from the room prior to banishment. TV, radio, Ipod, portable DVD player, cell phone, whatever. You want entertainment? Read a book. Smarten yourself up a little.

Ah, well...I guess I'll just have to suck it up and deal with the issues as they happen.
Anyway, I DO love to project.

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Six - Movin' Out

2009-03-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

My first home away from home was an apartment on Sheridan Drive in Tonawanda. I was working for the Sabres at the time. My co-worker and friend Bob Russell had just separated from his wife and was looking for a roommate to share apartment expenses. I was looking to extracate myself from the Kreuzer family home. It seemed like I would have more opportunites to copulate with my then-girlfriend if I lived several miles from my parents.

I was correct.

I enjoyed living with Bob. He was (and is) a great guy. We were young, single, working for the Sabres...perfect situation for horny young men looking to entertain a bevy of young women.

One of my favorite memories occurred when Bob was dating a rather large-chested young lady. She was spending the night with Bob, and needed to use the lav in the middle of the night. Not being accustomed to our apartment, on her way back she missed the left turn in Albuquerque and entered my room by mistake. She then proceeded to enter my bed. I awoke, startled and stunned to find a naked, chesty girl atop me. It was at this point that she realized her mistake and rushed out of the room, quite embarrassed. Needless to say, I didn't mind.

Ah, memories.

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Five - Movies & such.

2009-03-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Many people have told me that I look like "House". So I guess that Hugh Laurie will get the plum role of "John Kreuzer" in this year's summer blockbuster "The Man Who Didn't Exercise".

Garvey, I choose Oliver Platt to play you, not for any real physical similarity, but because he also knows how to rock a bow tie..

Also starring...

Peter Cumbo

Don Gervasi

Dave Hoffmann

...and a cast of thousands!

Why?

2009-03-17T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm quite sure that no-one is reading my blog, since I'm fairly new at this and probably won't say anything of interest. So I'm aiming for shock value. Like my blue friend in the last blog.

Uncomfortable? Sure.

But try taking your teenage son to see Watchmen.

Big blue penis? Check.

Soft-core porn in Night Owl's ship? Check.

But how about the ultra-violence, huh?

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Four (Bragging Rights)

2009-03-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

I agree with DHKA. I spent the majority of yesterday's blog bragging. Actually, it was a tug of war between bragging and self-deprication. I did, however forget to brag about one thing.

I call Dr.Manhattan "Tiny".

'Nuff said.

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day Three

2009-03-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Man, these topics are NOT getting any easier. I can't think of anything I do well enough with which to do a blog lecture. I'm a true improv guy...Jack of all trades, master of none.

Well, let's take a quick look at some of the things I do, and see if we can't find something worth writing about.

OK, I already said that I do improv. That you know. Unfortunately, I'm the least talented guy in the group, so...pass.

I can do regular theatre, too. I just finished up the run of The Beauty Queen of Leenane at New Phoenix, and did pretty darn well. Unfortunately, most of the people who saw the show and know me, know me only from Eclectic, and would say something like,"I didn't know you did theatre." So I haven't reached the pinnacle of Buffalo thespianism, either. Next.

I can sing. Whether it's karaoke or rocking with Jump The Shark, I can carry a tune, baby. But how do you explain that? I can't tell you how to sing, especially not how to sing well. Either you do or you don't. I do.

I play a little ice hockey. Goaltender. Do you really want to know how to stop an 80 MPH slap shot with your face? Cause I've done that. Several times. As such, I can't remember much about how to stop a slap shot with your face.

Stop a slap shot with your face?? I've done that!! Wait, did I say that already? Uh...oh, yeah...I play a little ice hockey..........

I'm very good at cunnilingus, but I'm married, so you ladies will never find out HOW good and I'll never reveal my secrets to the guys. Figure it out on your own fellas! I suggest that you envision yourself as Indiana Jones. The only way to get that golden idol is to brave the mysteries of the cave.

Oh, wait! Back to improv! I do have one talent better than Don, Peter and Todd combined. I can take a fall! I'm the physical comedy guy! Watch at the end of Peter's sermon when Reverend Cumbo "heals" me. Does it look painful? Then I've done my job well.

Here's what you do...

Propel yourself backward, kicking your feet up slightly as you fall. Keep your back straight, arms at your side, palms down. Your head should be arched slightly forward, so as not to whack it on the hard, hard floor. Land on your back.

This will hurt.

A lot.

Repeat this move over and over until you can no longer feel pain.

Hope you learned something!

BufBloPoFo '09 - Day 2

2009-03-15T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to say that, after yesterday's lengthy posting, my blog today will be quite small.

I can't really do much with today's topic, as I'm not much of a "go out to eat" guy. I rarely go to (nice) restaurants. Nor do I stay home for pleasant meal-time soirees. I'm not one to gather with polite friends, sip wine, and discuss the state of the economy. No offense to those who do...it's just not me.

Hell, with my hectic schedule, most days consist of quick meals before running off to some activity. This (sadly) means frozen dinners or fast food on many an evening.

Even if I had the time (and the means), I can't say that I have a favorite place to go. To me, Red Lobster is classy. And I love their biscuits.

I don't even have a favorite food. I like food. I like a lot of food, and by "a lot" I mean both variety and quantity. I just don't have a FAVORITE food. I like a nice, bloody steak. I enjoy lobster, when I can get it. But I'd be fine with a good cheeseburger, too.

So, I hope tomorrow's topic hits a little closer to home, so that I may return to long-form ramblings.

Bon Appetit!

BufBloPoFo '09: Day One

2009-03-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

Holy crap! I almost forgot about BufBloPoFo '09, in which I must post a blog every day for 14 days. Here I am at day one, a blogging neophyte facing the challenge that I have made to myself.

So, I'm off and running. Um, typing. Our friendly moderator wants to know 3 things in my life right now. Thanks to Eclectic, I am an expert at 3 Things, so this should pose no threat.

Thing One:
Tonight I complete the run of "The Beauty Queen of Leenane" at New Phoenix Theatre. It is a lovely, dark Irish comedy/drama (dramedy??) I was asked to fill in for an actor who had to pull out due to illness. I assume that Richard Lambert first tried contacting every actor in Buffalo, alphabetically. "...damn, Tom Zindle can't do it either. Well, that's it. That's all of 'em". Thank God for Eric Rawski who suggested me for the part. "Well, I was hoping for a GOOD actor, but I doubt John has anything else going on, so..."
And Richard was right. The timing was right. And I've always wanted to do a show with my cousin Eric. (Yes, he's my cousin. Look closely and witness the similarities)
Fortunately, everything has gone swimmingly. The play is great. The cast is great. Director Joe Natale is wonderful. I fell bass ackwards into a fantastic situation. Hopefully, those who have seen the show see me now as more than "that guy who falls down a lot at the Eclectic improv shows".

Thing Two:
Ah, yes, the Eclectic Improv Company. Only two weeks until the next big event. "Beauty Queen" kept me away from the February show (which was, by all accounts, a triumphant show by Peter Cumbo, Steve Petersen and Michael Hake). I miss "the funny" when I'm away and can't wait to get back on the Smith Theatre stage. I WILL fall down (at the end of Peter's sermon). I WILL do 3 Things (at the end of the show). I WILL say something self-depreciating or dripping with sexual innuendo...or both! I will try to make Peter Cumbo break, which is my comedy litmus test. If Peter turns red, I was funny. If he turns blue, I messed up badly. If he turns white, his debillitating congenital spinal stenosis is acting up again. I strongly suggest that you come to the show, bring your color swatches to compare to Peter's face, and see how I'm doing. "What's puce?" "Bad date."

Thing Three:
Three things. More specifically, three young people that are the fruits of my loin. The Kreuzer progeny...Jeremy (15), Cassidy (12) and Jack (9). To them I am free taxi service, their own personal Alex Reiger transporting them from activity to activity, back and forth across the expanse of Erie County (and sometimes beyond). My wife Melissa is like Louie DePalma, coordinating the fares, telling me when and where to pick up or drop off the passenger of the moment. Thankfully, she is much prettier than Danny DeVito.
A recent Saturday itinerary:
10:30 AM - Drop off Cassidy at dancing (Lancaster)
1:30 PM - Drop off Jeremy at Canisius College for band peformance (Buffalo)
3:00 PM - Take Jack to soccer game (Clarence)
4:00 PM - Pick up Jeremy from Canisius (Buffalo)
4:30 PM - Pick up Cassidy from dancing (Lancaster)
They eat up my time like the Langoliers. Not to mention my gas.
But, as their father, I am proud of them and happy to help them in some small way follow their dreams.

OK, BufBloPoFo'ers. Day One is a wrap. I hope I can keep it up for 13 more. Good luck to you all!

-jk